He Loves Me

Marcus likes me. No, wait, he loves me. It's been a long time coming.

In late August, mom took a break at the coast for a few days and I got the kids. My strategy was simple: Keep them so busy that they wouldn't notice the one person who fed, clothed, and bathed them daily wasn't around. And it worked. For about five minutes.

You've got to realize that up to this point Marcus didn't even let anyone but mom hold him. I mean, he didn't even let her put him down without whining or constant cries of "Mama, mama." And Dru did the same to me. So we'd spent nearly a year and a half splitting up the kids. But deep inside I'd really hoped my boy would warm to me, you know? Like, I don't mind if he's an effeminate mama's boy but he'd better be into watching sports with me.

The weekend went well. We did keep extremely busy. There were no major meltdowns and Marcus' incessant "Mama. Mama." as I rocked him to sleep lessened as the days went by. And I found an interesting thing - we could pass the time watching monster truck videos on YouTube. Turns out this kid LOVES monster trucks, truck races, motorcycles, and cars. And railroad engines, sorry, choo choo trains. After mom got home, he actually woke up once saying, "Papa papa, truck! Truck!"

Fast forward the two months it took me to find the time to write this, and you'd never guess this is the little boy who wiggled out of my arms screeching each time I picked him up. He followed me around the house all evening, taking up position at my leg and leaning against it. We had a blast in the bathtub, and the look of gratitude in his eyes when I removed Mr. Frog and the blowfish (they frighten him for some reason) was priceless. We just have a blast. He's a silly, sensitive, sweet boy. He still loves his mama. But these days he loves his papa, too.

John In Late Tomorrow

I will be at work late tomorrow, as my cat is having an emergency dental procedure at 7 am. She has an abscessed tooth that requires immediate attention. She has never been to the dentist or had her teeth cleaned, as she is a rather delicate eater and seems to chew all of her food well. It's also impossible to hold her down and brush her teeth by force, and good luck getting her to floss regularly. Also, by abscessed tooth I mean regular cleaning appointment. And by cat I mean my wife.

I should be in before the weekly staff meeting.

Tonight I took an hour-long bath. For the first half an hour I read a magazine. For the second half hour I fell asleep. After I took my glasses off, but before I fell asleep, I realized that to my son there are only two kinds of people in the world. The kind of person who, when you run at them full speed without stopping and then jump, they either catch you, or they don't. Which makes me think of the people I work with. I'm not sure his criteria applies.

I would like to lose another five pounds while eating more tortilla chips and ice cream. This will require me to exercise more or blog more. I am unsure which. Also, I tend to misspell sandwich "sandwhich". It is also bad form to end a sentence a preposition with.

I am taking my first class towards my Master's degree. At the rate of one class per semester I should be done in five years. Today is day four. I am pretty stressed out. Which reminds me:

There really wasn't much of an internet when I was an undergrad.

Fin.

The Cuteness

There are worse things in life than being constantly surrounded by unbearable cuteness. It's one of the few things that recharges my batteries. It's like an adorable form of solar power.

Marcus is turning into a little toddler complete with assisted walking, babbling, giggling, and smiling. He is outrageously flirtatious with women. He has been tolerating me slightly more than usual lately, though I have been wearing more mascara.

Drusilla has absolutely exploded with new skills at an astounding rate. She's using more sentences than ever, expressing her needs (well, mostly her wants), and just being more present than I've ever experienced. Best of all is that she's regained her absolute silliness, which is one of the things I missed the most when she was sick all winter long. She has a goofy yet sly sense of humor that makes my heart beat a happy tango. She *knows* when she's being funny but will act like she doesn't notice. I absolutely love it.

Both of the kids are just radiating with energy, which honestly makes it difficult to keep up. Lately Dru has woken at 6am acting like she's had a triple cappuccino - rattling off a half-discernible toddler dialog like a drunk Henry Rollins spoken word performance. I sit quietly and watch in stunned amazement, thinking, just like her mother. Marcus sleeps in (just like his father) but when awake is insistent. He wants his mother. I am not his mother. He wants the remote control for chewing. He still wants his mother. I can't keep up with both of them simultaneously unless they're strapped into a stroller. I don't see how Merry does it.

Myself, I am focused on keeping Merry sane. We have two sitters a week and yoga happening to give her a break. The house projects are continuing, hopefully lending some peace of mind. I must admit to being impatient. But I think the really bad days and the bad days have turned into bad days and bearable days. So I'll take any improvement. I've really felt like a failure as a husband to see her so stressed out. Which makes me want to hire a nanny, or a clown, or both. Wanted: Clown nanny. $12/hour. Must make balloon animals.

Fortunately we have two little clowns of our own to help us laugh and laugh. Which reminds me, Mother's day is coming up. I should probably do something for that.

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To Spring

It's been a long winter. A long, long winter. It's so exciting for me to see the spring blossoms start to appear. Finally! I say to myself, We can get out of the house!

Dru has been perpetually ill and perpetually on antibiotics and perpetually recovering and perpetually falling ill again. Poor kid. It's been a vicious cycle and we haven't quite kicked out of it yet. This summer, though, she'll be super immune. All we need to do is find some indigenous peoples with low immunity and send her over. Six months later and we'll own our own island. Or continent.

Marcus continues to amaze me with his cat-like reflexes and banshee-like scream. I never thought I would have kids like these - and it's been the most pleasant surprise. A little girl who's silly, goofy, and sweet, and a cat-banshee boy with a fondness for late nights. A lot like their parents, actually. Marcus has cut his first two teeth on the bottom and the front two are coming in. They're huge! He's going to look absolutely adorable-er.

Eventually we'll get around to sleep-training banshee-boy (I keep forgetting to bring home earplugs). Marcus is in our room due to the sleep distress he caused his sister and I've gotten good at falling asleep on the couch. Merry has been dealing with the stuff he does at night, like still crying for food and only being soothed by his mom. He wants to be held all the time, I mean all the time. He'll be Portland's only 30-year-old in a Baby Bjorn. This being Portland there's probably an adult league of some kind for that. So maybe it won't be completely dysfunctional.

I've been getting by. I'm amazed at the level of Zen I can project toward my job these days. Hopes/dreams don't really compare with good benefits in this economy. I'm on a naturopathic detox and it feels pretty good. My biggest sacrifice so far is coffee. Without caffeine masking my real energy levels I have found that my energy levels are typically low. Low to low-minus. But I am able to concentrate a bit more. Mostly on how tired I am. It's a month-long thing so if I have 37 posts next month we'll all know it's worked.

Overall it's been a tough winter but a wonderful month. Our focus has been helping Dru. We've gotten her to be a bit more active and eating better. She's really been expressing herself ("Papa, I want to watch the new Caillou." in .5 seconds). Marcus is the sweetest thing and adores his mom. And I have to admit it's been a treat to wake up at 5am and find him snuggled in bed with us. Baby Bjorn here we come.

Holiday Season

It's been a crazy couple of months! We've never been quite this sick all at the same time. Finally everyone is getting over it. Just in time for a Christmas Card photo shoot in the kitchen.

Here's the run-down: Drusilla had two colds and two rounds of antibiotics. Marcus had a cold that turned into the croup and then got pink-eye. Merry and I each got sick. And in the middle of it all I managed to injure my back, requiring physical therapy. All in about seven weeks.

So here it is, time for the holidays and my family to-do list is huge. The house has regurgitated laundry, dishes, and toys everywhere. We don't have a Christmas tree. There are no lights up, inside or outside of the house. Leaves are choking every gutter. Aw, man!

In the middle of it all I'm trying to find a new job. I'm studying new technologies in any spare minute (that I'm not playing games on my smart phone). I've updated my resume. And I'm learning what people mean when they say "the economy is bad" or "we are in a recession." It means there are no jobs to be had, or the ones posted are for extremely specialized skills since there are such experienced folks looking for work.

Writing all that down makes me a bit surprised to be in such a good mood. After all, I do have a job. I do have the ability to study. And finally I have the ability to bend over and put my own socks on.

The kids of course have been terrific as usual. Dru's been a little clingy lately but it's hard for me to mind. I'm realizing that I understand our goals for her therapies for the first time in a long time. And we converse now and make up games that we both play. Her verbalization just gets better and better - she's waking me up at 6am saying, "Papa, want letters!". I wish I had the energy to go over the alphabet at 6am. Someday.

I feel like I've been able to bond more with Marcus lately. He's sitting up on his own and rolling over (front-to-back and vice versa). He loves to be tossed in the air and smothered with kisses. Last night I was gobbling up his hand and he'd stick it right back in front of my mouth. We're playing games! Yay! He's getting a wonderful personality all of his own and I'm thrilled to see he likes silliness almost as much as his sister.

My only worry is Merry. It's incredibly tough to care for both of the kids and do anything else. When I do it I'm stuck with a nagging feeling that there's laundry to be done or cooking that should be happening. It's just not possible with two little ones. So I'm trying to help out despite staying up too late programming and being exhausted from work. I'm hoping to figure something out.

Despite the drawbacks, though, this is something we're all going through together as a family. We'll all remember the tough, exhausting times in one way or another. And it only gets easier. After all, in only a week the kids celebrate their first Christmas together. Every day is a new day.

Naked Lunch

It's a nice feeling to feel so proud of my kids. Not that I ever expected not to, just that seeing those basic parental instincts kick in is highly amusing.

We've had such a nice Saturday today. We ate cinnamon rolls at Auntie Erica's bakery and had a nice lunch at a new Thai restaurant. All of this excitement f followed by a delicious nap.

Marcus is smiling, laughing, and cooing. He turned over on his own today for the first time. Right now he's playing in his jungle.

Drusilla is participating in heer favorite pastime, watching videos. I am a little surprised by how much I rely on that particular parenting technique. But she learns things sometimes, mostly how to ask us to play a video...

Personally I'm exhausted. Work is quite busy, meaning I've not kept up on new technology. But home is busier, meaning I'm not going to be studying for a while. I struggle a lot with feeling ok about not keeping up on all my areas of interest. But really, being a dad is so much more important than volunteering, studying, blogging, writing, drawing, gardening, or shaving. And it's more fun.

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